S A N D R A

 

It has been over six months.. still I cant understand youre gone. I keep thinking, will we ever meet again? How am I supposed to move on knowing you wont be here? When our daughter is a grown woman, an adult, you still wont be here. Its so hard to amagine that because sometimes it just feels like youre on some kind of trip somewhere and you will be back but youre not coming back and i just cant accept that! I miss you so much. You where supposed to be here, to help me rase our beautiful daughter. She really is beautiful you know.. And she reminds me so much about you. That makes me happy. To see your face in her eyes makes me feel like a part of you are still around. Why cant you just give me a sign? A sign that youre still out there is al I need. It would have been so much easier moving on knowing that when I leave this world I would meet you again and time goes on but in a different place. I cant think of that we just die. You know that because you know Im afraid of death. I wish you could show me there is nothing to fear. I wish youre out there, even though i mostly wish you where here.

 

Shes going to have a great life. Our daughter. Im going to give her the best opportunites in life that I can. Im going to keep rasing her as good as she already is because she deserves it so much. Her life hasent been easy. Our seperation from eachother. Our fights. Your drugs. Your time away from eachother. Your death. I wish i could give her anything to make her happy even though I know you coming back would make her happiest but I cant give you back to her. So we are just going to have to move on the best we can.

 

Sometimes im angry with you. How the fuck could you take such a risk? Knowing you could die and leave her? I guess you thought "Im not gonna die over some drugs" but thats fucked up because thats what you did, you died. You left me with the sadest little girl, already broken over our fights. Now she has to survive this crazyness too. Youre fucking gone now. I hate that. I hate drugs. I hate you for this. I also love you though. Please.... give us a sign